I definitely had mixed feelings at the start, back with Prop 22 in the year 2000. I strongly believe that marriage is of divine origin, and have a strong religious basis for what I believe regarding marriage and family. But I also believe in religious tolerance, as well as in the principle of secular civil liberty - the right of people to believe what they choose, and to have the freedom to follow their beliefs, as long as they don't infringe on the rights of others. I have since come to understand very clearly that the implications of re-defining marriage as anything other than as being between a man and a woman goes far beyond the surface view that it is ok to let anyone who wants to be married do so.
When it comes to same sex attraction, I have researched and pondered this a lot. I also have close friends who feel same sex attraction, with whom I have had many lengthy discussions to help me understand, and to help them understand my view too. At this point, after my sincere desire and effort to understand, my own view is that we do not know what the causes are or all the factors that go into this. I know there are definitely those who have had this attraction for as long as they can remember. Others seem to have realized they feel this way sometime after childhood. Whatever the cause, the fact remains that good people feel this feeling, and see themselves this way, as part of their identity. While I do not agree with acting on these feelings, as I consider this immoral, I consider it a personal right for individual adults to make their own choice as to how they behave morally. They will reap the consequences. This is actually what I call having tolerance without condoning. So to speak, I love the sinner, but not the sin.
However, I realize that it is seen by many that it is a matter of fairness for individuals who live together in a committed relationship, who care and nurture each other, to have certain basic rights because of the relationship they choose to be in. This includes the basic right to visit each other in hospitals, etc. and to be able to participate in contracts together, and to have the right to will property, etc. As I understand it, California law already grants unmarried individuals these rights under domestic partner and civil union laws. Prop 8 would not deny or reduce any of these fair rights that already exist.
What I do oppose is re-defining marriage, a basic societal institution, that pre-dated government, that government only recognized because it already existed, and it was seen to be beneficial to society when it was recognized by government. While I recognize that individuals in committed relationships are granted to have certain fair basic rights, I do not feel that calling that relationship marriage is such a right. I also most definitely do not feel that it is discriminatory. In fact, I see several extremely concerning potential negative consequences should this re-defining happen. These concerns were aptly and succinctly stated in the website www.preservingmarriage.org, and I repeat them here, because they are how I feel:
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Unless Proposition 8 passes, California society will soon undergo a profound change in its basic understanding of marriage and family life.
That will affect everyone in numerous ways. Over time, greater acceptance of nontraditional marriage will be demanded of all people. This could impact the ability of any religion to teach and practice its beliefs. -
Proposition 8 will not hurt gays.
In California, the law provides for marriage-related benefits to be given to civil unions and domestic partnerships. Proposition 8 does not diminish these benefits. -
Failure to pass Proposition 8 will hurt children.
If gay marriage remains legal, public schools will put it on equal footing with traditional marriage. Children will likely receive “age appropriate” information about sexual relations within heterosexual and homosexual marriages. -
Failure to pass Proposition 8 will hurt churches.
The court’s decision will inevitably lead to conflicts with religious liberty and free speech rights. Society will become more and more hostile to traditional beliefs about marriage and family.
I welcome comments and discussion on this critical issue.
Matt Goodman
